Have you ever been invited to a wedding and realized that you never actually met your “friend’s” fiancé in person? Have you ever gotten a call from an old friend and realized that your most memorable time together was in high school? Yes you have new friends, a spouse, kids, and siblings that you talk to daily but you must admit that there is no better feeling of security and joy that you feel when you talk to your “Flossy Posse.”
See, your “Flossy Posse” was around when you were free to be yourself. You weren’t afraid to dance on the top of the bar. You still were excited about trying new things and you didn’t hesitate to share your sexcapades and other interesting truths with them. Your “Flossy Posse” holds the key to the vault of secrets that you some times wish they lost. LOL! But life goes on. You mature. You forget. You reminisce. You look up and realize you haven’t hung out with your “Flossy Posse” since their wedding, baby shower, or birthday 5 years ago; the list goes on.
Maintaining friendships into adulthood and/or even starting friendships as an adult is so much harder. When you are younger, your time is yours and you do not have real responsibilities other than a curfew. As an adult, you have to work, there are family responsibilities and events, and a host of other things that readily occupy your time. So being able to spend quality time with your friends can be challenging but as the movie “Girls Trip” reminded me, it is so important to stay connected or to reconnect with your “Flossy Posse.” Below I share 5 things that can help you do that.
1. Call them: It is so easy to text your friends throughout the day but you do not always get the full story through text. You can’t hear that uncomfortable silence or that silent cry for help through a text message. You can’t hear them laugh or their kids in the background tearing the house apart. The emotional connection is just not as great over text so take the time to give them a call. I call my friends during my commute to or from work and early in the mornings on the weekends, when our husbands are still asleep.
2. The Rule of 3: I have a friend group/“Flossy Posse” that consists of four people. When we all get together it is a blast but getting all four of us to one event is not always possible. Instead of continuing to cancel outings because one person couldn’t make it, we came up with “the rule of 3.” If 3 of us can make an event, whether it’s a happy hour or vacation, then we book it. We even FaceTime our 4th friend so that she doesn’t feel left out.
3. Consolidate your friend groups: We all have different groups of friends that we need for different purposes. We have our mommy group, our church group, our “Flossy Posse,” our “I’m not sure if we are really friends yet,” etc… The best way to make sure you spend time with your friends is to bring them all together every once in a while. Plan something that all of your friends can enjoy and invite them all. You may think that they might not mesh but you won’t know unless you try and everyone will not even be able to make it. I go as far as making flyers or special announcements for events like this so that it feels like an official gathering.
4. Invite your friends out: One of the things that causes us to lose connections with our friends is that as we move through different phases in our lives we stop inviting our friends to our events who don’t necessarily fit in our current phase. For example, we don’t invite our friends who do not have kids to our children’s parties or we do not invite our married friends to girls night out. Or if we don’t have a babysitter, we cancel our plans instead of modifying them. Time is precious when you are an adult but so are your friendships. Everyone may not be at the same phase in their life, but that doesn’t mean we do not want to be invited to share those memories with you.
5. Pillow talk: One of the quickest ways to lose a friend is to share their secrets with others, including your boyfriend/spouse. Regardless of how much you trust your spouse, there are some things that your friends do not want him to know and you are not the one that gets to determine that. There is nothing more annoying and/or embarrassing then your friend’s husband asking you about something you told your friend in secrecy. It doesn’t really have to be a big secret either, but I am not besties with your spouse and therefore, I do not expect to have to discuss my personal matters with him unless I choose to do so. Pillow talk is cool but when you are telling all of your friends business, you are breaking their trust. Avoid using pillow talk to gossip about your friends and they will continue to confide in you.
I hope these tips help you stay connected or to reconnect with your “Flossy Posse.”
Here’s a quote to live by, “The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.” Henry David Thoreau
What are some ways that you stay in touch with your friends? Share your tips for staying connected with your friends in the comment section below or email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org